Monday, November 30, 2009

Against Sleep

I don't dislike sleep itself.

Right now I should be going to sleep, but I'm not because for some reason, some nights, the apex of my alertness for the entire day hits as soon as my head hits the pillow. Tonight already feels like one of those nights where I lie awake for hours waiting for my brain to shut itself off so I can stop staring at my clock and watching the hours tick by. And every ten minutes I remember something else I could be doing instead of waiting for sleep (like writing this blog post) and I either do it, or it bounces around inside my skull for the next half hour until I remember something more important that I've forgotten to do.

What's worse than the nights, though, is the mornings. I always feel incredibly groggy in the mornings, sometimes (rarely, luckily) to the point that I can't even get myself out of bed - and that's when I've had enough sleep. When I don't get enough sleep, it feels like microscopic ninjas have snuck under my skin while I was sleeping and sprinkled a layer of fine grit right under my epidermis. If I could switch the way I feel in the morning with the way I feel in the middle of the night, I might not be a happier person, but I'd probably at least be a lot more balanced.

And in between these two wonderfully inverted polar opposites, I dream. I'm really glad I don't remember the vast majority of my dreams, because based on the ones I do remember, I apparently dream in low-budget sci-fi horror flicks. Let's look at some recent dreams that I remember. In the most recent one, I had the power to travel back in time and redo parts of my life, but I was hunted and repeatedly killed by somebody with a similar power. In another recent dream, I die in some sort of zombie outbreak caused by a mind-controlling fungus. I wake up decades later after it revives me for some reason; it's taken over the world and nobody realizes it (because the fungus altered everybody's memories, natch). It's never bright and happy dreams, it's always stuff that freaks me the hell out.

So anyway, I've got nothing against sleep, really. It's everything associated with it that I can't stand.


Frank Church said...

Yeah, last night I stayed awake for a couple of hours just staring at the wall thinking about my future. My weird habit is that I generally hold long imaginary conversations during those times. (Last night, I pretended I was talking about my future with one of my professors, for instance.)

Mornings - I generally feel fine then, unless I haven't gotten enough sleep, but in that case my brain will go into a Naviesque "HEY! LISTEN!" tirade and I'll get up fairly soon. I'm awake in 30 minutes.

Dreams - Ah yes. :/ My dreams tend to involve me getting involved in some sort of impossible situation and having no idea how to get out. They make me feel trapped. Generally no superpowers though.

Kiriska said...

...You should tell me your dreams so I can write stories about them. :|

I have nothing against sleep or my dreams (my dreams are always some weird mish-mash of cartoons and retardedness with the occasional everyone's out to kill you shenanigans), but goddammit, I could be working instead.