I seem to have lost my wallet! It is fucking with my head like you wouldn't believe.
I have looked everywhere. I have looked everywhere at least twice. I've crawled on the ground looking underneath maybe half the furniture in this house. I've torn my room apart - I don't think there's a square inch in there that I haven't looked at today, except for maybe spots that you have to disassemble furniture to get to. I have taken all the cushions off of all the couches, I think. I've called the last place I saw the wallet, and since I came home straightaway after that and haven't really gone anywhere since, there are no leads there. I am this close to trying to figure out a tactful way to call up everybody that was here for Thanksgiving and asking if they walked off with my wallet. Like I said, fucking with my head.
Why am I freaking out so much? This is my first time losing my wallet, and I suppose my first time finding out just how much of a pain it is. If I can't find it before my flight on Sunday, I'm going to have to cancel my credit card and debit card, replace my insurance card, replace my Social Security card, replace my ORCA card (free bus rides, one of many Microsoft perks) so I can ride the bus to work. (By a sheer stroke of luck, I still have my driver's license; don't even ask. XD)
And then, I have to figure out how to keep this from ever happening again. Because, see, I can't just leave a problem like this alone, and deal with it when it comes up. I'm a pathological overthinker. My reaction when a hard drive fails is to create increasingly elaborate system of redundant storage, culminating in what I built earlier this month. My reaction to almost losing my cell phone is to keep multiple backups of all the data on it, just in case. Now that I've lost my wallet once, I'm not sure that I'll be able to ignore the possibility of it happening again - my brain just doesn't work that way. I don't know how I'll solve the problem of randomly losing things that I need to carry around everywhere I go, but I know that I'll be kind of agitated and jittery until I do - it's just how I'm wired.
My mom, bless her heart, tried to help - not by helping me look, but by trying to make me feel better about losing my wallet. Frankly, it just made things worse. She asked me to imagine the worst-case scenario; thanks for the completely generic advice! I definitely feel inclined to sit and listen to you, when I know that you're taking this far less seriously than I am! Plus, I know on an almost subconscious level that she's just trying to make me feel better, and that's not what I want. I don't want to feel better about it, and I don't want to sit down and think about "how bad could it really be". I want to find my goddamn wallet. If all your help means to me is that I have to act calmer while I'm searching frantically, then please, just stop trying.
Anyway, I haven't given up yet. I still have another day to try and figure out where it went. I am convinced that it's still in this house somewhere, and that's the most incredibly frustrating thing - it's so close, but I may not have enough time to find it! Still, I've got until my flight on Sunday. Once I get on the plane, then I'll give up, and start figuring out what all I need to replace. Until then, there's still hope.